Title: Magnolia
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG13
Word count: 4764
Summary: "It is not easy as it seems: to be able to get used to something includes being able to change a habit and take another. Many do not know see the difference: a habit is not something that you carry throughout their lives. A habit is not a job, that you are aware of it. If you were aware of it, the matter would be different. And if you were aware of it, and if you had this habit for whatever reason, would not be a habit, as we see Draco. It's different. "
tantissimissime Thanks to V and I have no beta-reading this story. Both have contributed to the improvement of this story and the elimination of various flaws. I do not know what I'd do without them ... (notes are at the end of this story.) Harry Potter is not mine bla bla bla bla bla bla no end JK Rowling gain is poor as bla bla bla bla.
Magnolia
Your heartbeat is pulsing at night in your chest [...]
I Received your words from hospitals
Where You felt alone ... Your Words like smoke - They made me sick, But They Kept Me Warm The beat of your heart beating in your chest at night [...]
I received your words from hospitals where you felt alone Your words like ...
smoke - made me sick, but kept me warm
Draco hangs in the balance.
His
thing, as he likes to refer to the habit that is taking lately, it is rather annoying and prevents him from building social relationships less messed up than usual, in which intent was beautifully managed - at least until the thing
not is submitted to its possible back door, entering uninvited and changing its ways of relating to people. Indirectly, at least, his obsessions were never particularly popular or invaluable to anyone, but this thing. It is different, because unlike its other oddities, the Draco can reconnect to a particular person, and this disturbs him. "It's nothing serious," he said, while once again rearranges the stack of books on the shelf is at its height. Draco hates having to put on a stool or something, in order to have a good view of her books. That's why his favorite places in the third shelf from the top, that is, the second from the bottom up. Under the shelves is a set of drawers, large or small that you can see beautiful golden knobs that are rubbed and cleaned every week by the elves. Draco returns to put his books one by one, while trying not to think of his things, without success. Draco never admit even to himself, because as long as does not give a rope to one thing, it will never be true. Real. (Or at least, tries to convince Draco, without much results.) The point is that lately has taken the useless habit of replacing the volume of its collections. Not one, not two, but multiple times a day, with no particular times or some form of routine. This business does not like, and want to change everything, but can not, unfortunately, has become familiar with the library of his house, more than he had before. He knows perfectly positioned where each of the books I have, they have fretted over again, he was a child and curious until he became a man and returned to the mansion to stay. It took three days before they set foot in a room that was not his bedroom. Four others before he entered the library, formerly the studio and placed a bullet for her father. Now that is no more, Draco can be considered rather unfortunate: he lost both his mother and his father relatively early, but had a lot of time to rationalize everything, so we do not think too much. He still has their paintings displayed neatly in the most likely of his castle, one, only to Narcissa, is hanging in his room. The other is a portrait of magnitude smaller, but more attention to detail of the landscape. And his father, upright standing behind an empty chair, a tree in bloom behind him, inscrutable smile and arched eyebrows. Draco is particularly attached to this particular picture, because it believes that it is more faithful to the original person. Sometimes comes home and is no longer under Lucius, no problem, I certainly find himself in the great painting in the dining room (in one of the dining rooms), one above the fireplace (one of the many fireplaces throughout the manor ). One who has run that particular painting, Draco thinks, has been attentive to the colors and light. The people themselves are almost secondary, and perhaps for this reason that Lucius never liked. Narcissa, however, adored him. Just as he loved to have seats near the fire crackling in the fireplace and the vessels on the smooth surfaces of the furniture, all of which Draco took off, by, threw in some basement or attic. Draco says it was because he did not see anything that reminded him of the past, but he knows to lie. The real reason does not know and does not care one bit 'to meet you.
Draco returns his attention to books that is handled with care. He feels they are not in perfect order, which is why he got into the habit of stacking one above the other, on an empty shelf, and then rearrange so slightly different from the previous year. It's annoying and not relaxed. He knows he will not relax because they always feel a vague sense of discomfort, while his arms are stretched in an effort to move large volumes almost as much as him. This annoyance is not so much on the effort to know what should not do this effort. There are spells for things like that, Draco knows them one by one, knows better than their own pockets. But there is this thing
, annoying, which continues to make the appearance in the worst moments and is seriously disturbing. Do not go crazy doing, what not, but continues at this rate, Draco does not know what else to think.
* Sometimes Draco needs to take a break. One of the real ones, which can relax and not think about what you are trying to get away from. This 'sometimes', actually means 'twice in his life'. The first, when he was sixteen and was tired of all that had happened, the second when he was seven years more, and could not bear to see her mother lying on a hospital bed, with eyes closed and breath lighter. Until that breathing was not entirely disappeared, and Draco had felt overwhelmed by the events that had followed each other until then: the fall, the disease, the endless nights spent with a white bed, death ... all things that had seemed bearable, taken one by one, but that could put together and stir to life.
And then we can say that Draco is accustomed to this thing of removal and take a break: This is good because the habits are of paramount importance. Draco knows that may sound stupid, but habits are the only things you can trust. If you change a habit, Draco can blame only himself: he is the only person who did start the habit, he is the only person to decide that the habit does not work so well. This is because, normally, their habits do not include the presence of another person. And he never needed to realize, finally, a habit for her to decide to delete it. This is a habit that has become accustomed in the silence of his mind. He often dreamed of being able to delete a habit with the stroke of a wand, has long thought it would be like the movement of his arm if he could really make a spell like that. It would certainly be done alone, with the only presence of a vase of flowers and a few drinks, locked in a room where access is not allowed to anyone else. Draco does not like that there are too many people in his life. That's why, sometimes, is tipped as crabby and evil, the part of the 'evil' does not deserve to know, but it seems to follow him wherever he goes. Your reputation precedes you, would you tell him grinning Potter, but Potter Draco knows and realizes that it would be better not to listen, he does however, saying that it is because he likes to listen to meaningless stuff, once in a while.
The word 'grumpy', in any case, he deserves it in full. Draco is not interested in other people, and do not see why they strive to treat them well: people can be bulky, and when they do not realize that it is not welcome, it hung and intrude and annoy you, things that do not like Draco . So think it is better to keep them at a distance, thus fueling a discreet murmur in the background whenever it finds a St Mungo's charity event. Draco does not care, and only nodded when they think of her name during the usual, boring speeches that take place during these times. Usually people tend to thank people, even if you do not stand, do something good and useful to society or in the medical field. Draco is one of the 'who' in the second category.
Speaking of St. Mungo. Draco, he was a child, sometimes being led to find composure and greet a relative in hospital, or was led to the inauguration of a new wing, construction and project financed by his father in those moments, could, if lucky, wandering alone to the hospital corridors. It is always amazed at the abundance of colorful flowers and vases, in contrast with white walls and white sheets as stacked neatly. Draco was free to explore up and down the stairs slowly. Even today, when he hastens to another, trivial meeting the hospital administration, pauses to watch the light wood handrail and think about how little has changed since he was seven.
* When his mother was still relatively new to his hospital room - even if it could give an account - Draco used to bring her flowers. Not that he thought would help her to wake up, of course not. Draco was large enough to understand that silly and trivial things like the flowers would not miraculously get better made, in spite of everything the doctors filled her head and tried to convince him. Draco was not cynical. It was not even a bad person. It's just that at times recalled the care and love with which his mother watched his flowers, those who kept in pots and which to cast spells to keep them intact and in the prime of their beauty, and felt the need to bring a little ' even though he knew he would not have ever realized.
his mother's favorite flower was the rose. The roses are not suitable. They were - are - too intense for a person looking as fragile as that of his mother. Draco never learned too well to call Narcissa, because he always seemed very wrong. His mother will never be Narcissa, in his eyes and his ears, simply because he grew up referring to her as 'mother', and continues to think so. When Draco makes a person a name, that name is forever. His father is his father, his mother is his mother, the beggar is a beggar. Potter Potter, Harry and never will be. Draco has also become a duty to his liege person. He does not like to see people doing things merely hasty to pass the time. Draco is devoted to his work, likes, likes the concept of Medimago: for this reason never complains when asked to stay beyond his shift, because it simply means to go home to read books (most recently the law has become part of the system) and wait until the head emerges from the chimney Pansy reproaching him something. Although this routine is called at the home of Draco. Draco is pleased to have one: do not know what he would do without her routine and habits.
In fact, Draco never knew what was the favorite flower of his mother - Narcissa, it said on the nameplate of the door to his room. Narcissa Malfoy. His mother had never told him or he felt entitled to ask. Draco estimated and he loved his mother but has never heard enough to afford something to ask. His mother has always been close, he's always wanted, but sometimes wondered if Draco has failed in its role as a child. Devoto, always has been: This has no doubt. But sometimes you can wonder, as he has never done before, whether he has exceeded in its efforts. Now no longer has any reason behind this puzzling trivia compared to what is now handling - important documents, hundreds of people in its service, an account at Gringotts developed almost by itself - but these are the same platitudes that have helped to bring it to where it is now. Draco trusts their instincts, making choices, but sometimes wondered if something was wrong, in the midst of all the mess that was his life.
* One of the best moments of his life, Draco knows this, is when Pansy gave him the kid gloves. Pansy is fully aware that deep hatred Draco feels for the velvet is not the material itself to bother him because Draco is at ease with velvet dress, but more memories that linked it to the velvet. (Remember that now are starting to do less evil, Draco tries to convince himself and the results are weak and insignificant.)
Pansy bring them to her, raising an eyebrow and blurted out: "You now that you learn to overcome your problems, "as if it were easy. Pansy seems to be unperturbed. Draco envy, in a certain way. It is not fair, never has been, has always had a twist too hard to be truly admired, but Draco the respect and esteem. Pansy has been able to do great things no one had ever noticed, and this is in itself noteworthy. These gloves are now his favorite is why I do not ever wear them, but keeps them locked in a nightstand near his bed. Pansy knows this too, and has never asked anything about it. Draco also wonders how he was lucky enough to have Pansy as best friend, does not know what he would do without her. Maybe would fall to pieces.
One of the most significant moments of his life - not to be confused with the best moments - is when Draco finds out from a piece of parchment that his mother is dead. Swears that he held his breath for an incredible amount of time: the truth is no longer interested swear or not swear, as long as he does not remember anything at all that night. Remember to getting drunk, after months without alcohol. Or at least, believes he drank: woke up the next day with a throbbing headache and a few bottles of whiskey Arsonist empty next to him while he was half-lying on the ground in an awkward position honestly and head on the desk in the her bedroom.
*
beginning, when we must still get used to the dark and being locked indoors for weeks, it is difficult not because of loneliness or something else unlikely due to the character of Draco, but as for the feeling that the closed gripping. At first it feels a bit 'all bad. We must get used to walking a little, seeing the same things breathe air less pure in the world outside the walls of your home. But it always manages to get used to. Be capable of this, in the eyes of Draco, is an irreplaceable value. It is not easy as it seems: to be able to get used to something also includes being able to change a habit and take another. Many do not know how to tell the difference: a habit is not something that you carry throughout their lives. A habit is not a job, that you are aware of it. If you were aware of it, the matter would be different. And if you were aware of it, and if you had this habit for whatever reason, would not be a habit, as we see Draco. It's different.
A Draco does not like to take the labels. This is his habit. He never liked it, either now or in the past, but does not know whether this view will change. If you change, you will not because he wanted it: it will be because of multiple factors, not only will a magician.
A Draco does not like Harry Potter is not a habit, this. It never was, it is not and never will be. It is something that is imposed, we believed so much to make it part of his routine: he gets up, dresses, washes, hates Potter, has breakfast, goes to the office, he hates Potter, ends his turn, he hates Potter, come home, eat, read, hates Potter, goes to sleep.
And then we can say that Draco is a mixture of routine habits and hatreds.
Draco has always hated Harry Potter. No matter what others think and say, Draco has not always hated. What I felt for the character of Harry Potter was hesitation and resentment fomented from what his parents told him. What I felt for the person Harry Potter had contempt and resentment fueled by the actions of Harry Potter.
Now there's no Harry Potter, Draco's life. Sometimes it is Potter, Auror wounded from the clashes, the St Mungo. Draco encounters him, greets him and hate him a little 'more.
Draco lists things his way. We are the second Draco habits, and habits according to the rest of the world. This is indeed the right definition of what is perfectly clear in his mind. Sometimes people are confused so easily, that Draco forgets the real purpose of its differentiation.
In other words, the focus of question is this: Draco does not like to label, and does not like being labeled. Draco talking to himself in ways almost every day now, so often that his establishment would be called habit. But habit is not, or at least not according to Draco. Draco has a lot of things to think about ending in 'second ... Draco'. Just think, always to himself, which serves to differentiate.
Another word whose meaning is Draco has its own distinction: in his vocabulary, it only means 'Draco different from the rest of the world'. On his way to ask and answer on its own has limited his approach to the world of differentiation and development of the word 'differentiate'. In a certain sense, Draco is proud: he does not think that the world has got a small dispute between Draco and the other, without anyone noticing it. This makes them feel unique, as it is protected by the silence in which laboriously.
When Draco wakes up, usually the head hurts, and it seems to star burst at any moment. This happens often, almost always, for so long now that we are accustomed, in some way. Draco thinks that all dreams are unpleasant sensation that he was dreaming but then he stopped dreaming when awake. The first few times it has happened, Draco had no chance. Waking up refreshed and comfortable has never been contemplated in his life plans.
Draco does not like having to explain their attitudes. It has already been reported many other things to many people: to give too much explanation is counterproductive, and so is limited and try to live with the quirks that make her days more than -
Our Lips Were cold as clay, we
Could not speak anyway Save me, I am swallowed by the guilt of this Our lips were cold as if they were clay we could not speak anyway Save me
, the guilt of what is swallowing me
Draco is not hiding. Not doing it, I swear if there was something on which to swear. You are just resting, closed his office, not responding to any of the owls that are persistently pecking against the windows behind his desk, and ignoring the notifications that have arrived - the are coming - by FP and are appearing, stacking them neatly, on the arm of the chair on which is currently sitting. Sometimes he likes to take a break from all that hanging over him. He was not born perfect, never will be. He can not fix anything.
is why, when someone knocks on the door and entered without waiting for permission (that Draco would not, however, granted), the Draco's eyebrow arches. Potter is not exactly the last person you would expect to be in his office. This was seen in the past. It's been here, for red tape and things like that, especially when there was no one else except Draco prepared enough that you can help in some way. (A Draco does not like to think of the past. The past is something that has already happened. The past is something that keeps in his Pensieve, away from prying eyes. Draco is not allowed to look in his Pensieve too often as often as he that can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and if they have repented every single time.)
Draco might ask, "How nice to see you. What brings you here? " or could say, "At the moment I'm busy, you may come back later", but what really makes you just nod, in a certain way, and with a slight movement of the rod reveals two cups of dark coffee hot. It offers a Potter.
Draco does not speak often. Draco thinks, Draco broods, but Draco did not speak. Do not gossip and do not whisper. Draco has learned to develop their own thoughts in a way that does not need to pronounce words. Draco is a great admirer of the written thought, but even more than thought. Talk to seems a waste of time, echo sounding is always counterproductive.
Draco is not going to let go. He has not wanted for the last ten years and will not do it for sure now. Draco knows that nothing has changed in the last three days (weeks and months and years, notably Pansy.
ten years, Draco, ten years and still do not want to change?
). He knows he has not changed, but can not help but notice more things now. Things like the scratches were not there before and now I am on his body. Draco does not know how to get them both and do not bother to find out. He has other things to think about things more important and worthy of his attention. It is my deep conviction. Absolutely.
When You Were Young you Kept a list of the things [...] I've Known You In Every
I've lived life - yeah, I'm still a kid, even though I'm Colder
(we can wake up home again, come over, come over) When you were young you kept a list of things [...]
I have known you in every life I lived - yes, I'm still a kid, even if they are colder
(we can wake up home again, come here, come here)
You are not asleep yet the feeling that surrounds what looks like evidence in the passage from sleep to wakefulness. The numbing and at the same time trying to shake it (seems to urge him to get up once and for all). Draco knows he is not falling asleep. If it had, would have noticed. There is a hole in his memory, but not one of the holes caused by a spell of memory running bad, but one that we create unconsciously. Draco knows all this, are aware of it, but can not help but feel a bit 'as if he had regenerated after a long, long sleep and did not want to do is go back to sleep, but knows he can not. Draco knows all these things and not accept. He also knows that it is better to let things drag on as they are, and for this reason that does not move, but merely squint (slowly, slowly) the eyelids, and began to scan the room in which it resides. He can not see things well, and was caught by a (silent) moment of panic, especially aggravated the lack of noise. Then he relaxes, noticing the glow of the moon (through the tiny windows without curtains), light and half hidden by the huge closet or something like that. It is leaning against a wall, but was positioned so as to almost block the view of the other side of the room. Draco noticed that from which the light is a window of opportunity. Draco has always been good at noticing things.
Draco wakes up suddenly and the first thing you notice is the warm and familiar weight on his chest. Do not dare open my eyes to find out who he is. Draco has grown accustomed to these sudden awakening and not orchestrated and planned. (The feeling of displacement is beginning to appear not even more.) Draco is used to not remember exactly who-is, or what we do here and why it is not somewhere, and because his memories are mixed up and confused, because this is exactly the way that wakes up every day. Draco tries not to move, because it is one of those things he has learned not to do. Non-word recall is only valid in some ways, but in any case, Draco can always, instinctively, to bask in the little that remembers and make the best, trying not to arouse suspicion. (Draco never see the sad looks that turn Pansy and Harry. Draco does not want them to see, and therefore does not see them. Non-remember is a good thing, let's say.) Draco does not move because he knows that the weight died had a tiring day and need all the rest he can get. Draco breathed deeply, then try to sleep again. (He fails.)
(Terrified of what's inside) to save His life he crawls like a worm from a bird
(Terrified by what is in) to save their lives crawling like a worm from a bird
Draco suddenly rises from the mattress on which he was lying earlier, the heavy breathing and his eyes wide open. (Eyes that do not like to remember them just as dreamed. Draco is afraid.) Draco had (still has) a moment of intense terror, similar to those of a few years when he lived and still under the same roof as her parents. He had nightmares. ( But this fear is heightened by the solitude
, Draco would add, if he was trembling.) Takes Various calculated deep breaths, and looks around scared. Despite all
. Despite everything, he wants to go back to sleep.
We can turn Our backs on the past and start over ...
We can turn our backs on the past and start again ...
(One day you will be able to fall asleep and waking up has never been as comfortable in his life. There will be Harry - Potter not, there will be Harry, Harry with no scar on the forehead -, there will be a happy marriage to anyone who wants to get married that day, there will be jokes, laughter, clear skies and smiling children. There will be no rain and no one will be hurt, no one will be allowed to fight, Fred and George will still be Fred-and-George, and there will be a happy ending for all. Even Draco.)
( Draco always gets what she wants, says Pansy
safe. His eyes are fierce and proud and all that Harry would become.)
We Might live like never before ...
When there's nothing to give Well how can we
ask for more?
We could live like never before ... When there
nothing to give
Be ', how can we ask for?
The first time you notice it is not the first time that happens, the first time that happens, Draco is not aware of, and this is absolutely understandable. Draco was lying on a couch, legs folded and his head tilted toward the living room fireplace. He feels a nagging itch in the area around his wrist, but does not move because he is trying to remain silent and quiet enough not to wake the dead weight that has sunk into the other side of the sofa, still wearing his jacket and loosened the scarf. Speaking of the dead weight, if the shoe is barely removed and was immediately thrown comfortable on the first surface in the vicinity and normally would be annoyed Draco, but this time, only this time, let it go, and decides not to teasing after that. The living room is quiet and deep breathing Harry is the only noise you hear. Draco is awake. (He smiles)
.
Note: the verses that are cited in the story are, in order of appearance, belonging to:
1) Magnolia, The Hush Sound
2) A dark congregation, The Hush Sound
3) One day, robots will cry, Cobra Starship
4) The Bird and the Worm, The Used 5) The world has ITS shine (but I would drop it on a dime), Cobra Starship
6) Delicate, Damien Rice
Fangs up, gente!
